12. December 2008 by Mark.

Wednesday was a day off, so I took a day trip to the Mekong river delta. I had visions of Troy’s sensitive skin flaring into a horrible heat rash, but he was actually a real trooper all day long - pretty much stripped to his diaper most of the time. He behaved well on the 2 hour (each way) bus ride and won the affection of a good number of people in the travel group.

I can’t say Troy will remember the many boat rides, seeing the snakes, visiting the honey farm, visiting the coconut candy factory, listening to local music, or the lunch of prawn curry and elephant ear fish. He probably won’t remember the woman who offered me her daughter’s hand in marriage and then, rebuffed, offered to sell me her granddaughter. I’m sure there was something lost in translation but the latter offer was a bit creepy. All in all, it was a worthwhile day, setting me back $15 plus the cost of lunch.

Here’s Troy awake:

… and asleep in his dorky-looking dad’s arms (he spent about half the time doing this)

Back in Saigon, I got a pizza for dinner and ate at the hotel.  I also attempted to give Troy a bath.  He HATES baths and shrieked the entire time, even though (or perhaps because) I got in the tub with him.

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12. December 2008 by Mark.

Well, when we last left off, Troy had woken up from his nap and my blog was still about 4 days behind. Let’s hope I can wrap things up tonight.

After the medical exam, we got visa pictures for the babies and then were free until Thursday, when we were to fly to Hanoi. I went back to the hotel for nap for Troy. He has a strange affinity for terry towels, which he likes to use for comfort when he sleeps. Fortunately, the Duxton hotel had plenty.

In the afternoon I hung out with Victor and Jamie, a couple from my group who adopted a daughter. We walked around, shopping and checking out potential restaurants for dinner. We finally took a break at the rooftop bar of the Rex hotel, one of the great rooftop bars of the world…

For dinner, we went to “Blue Ginger” which I believe was popular with a number of adoptive parents from my agency.  The food was very good but in retrospect, it was a bit much for the kids to sit through the 6 or 7 course menu we ordered.  It did not help that I got turned around and led us in the exact opposite direction on the way home.

Posted in Tourist, Saigon, Travel | No Comments »

10. December 2008 by Mark.

I’ll try to catch you up on the Saigon leg of the trip all in one post. I’ll publish it in bits but keep coming back because I may add to it as Troy permits.

On Monday we flew from Da Nang to Saigon. Before leaving the hotel, Troy and I took a walk on the beach, taking advantage of a break in the weather. Troy loves the Ergo carrier and easily falls asleep in it (as long as I’m moving). Here’s a picture of Troy after the walk. I had hoped to make baby footprints in the sand on the beach but Troy had conked out too quickly.

This was Troy’s first flight, again on an enormous China Airlines A300 jet. Here is Troy sitting in his own Business Class seat (he did not have his own ticked but the seat was free):

Saigon was hot, of course. This time, we stayed at the Duxton, a very nice hotel in the downtown area. The night we arrived, I just wandered around a bit and had a Banh Mi (”Saigon Sub”) sandwich of BBQ pork.

The next morning was the medical checkup, required as part of the visa documentation. Our guide took us to the hospital, where they were put through some pretty basic checks - a quick look and some measurements. I was disappointed that they were unable or unwilling to check Troy’s ears, which have concerned me since he seem to pull at them as if he is in pain (typically a sign of an ear infection). The doctor was impressed by how much Troy has attached to me, as judged by Troy’s response when I handed him off for measurements. Here’s Troy getting weighed most unhappily:

Well, Troy is up (and cranky) so here’s hoping I’ll finish the updates later…

Posted in Milestones, Saigon | 1 Comment »

10. December 2008 by Mark.

Sorry, everyone, for the silence. No worries. All is well, despite a few difficult moments (precipitated by teething and mourning for nannies, both of which seem to be mostly over with for this round). I’ll work on a longer post but wanted to get this out there.

I’m in the Saigon airport business class lounge, by the way, munching on leftover cold pizza from last night.  Troy is sitting next to me eating some sort of shrimp rice cracker.

Posted in Saigon | 1 Comment »

7. December 2008 by Mark.

Disclaimer: I keep writing “Evan” when I mean “Troy” so please forgive me if one slips through and just attribute it to parental-onset senility

In like a lion, out like a lamb. That’s what they say about March, and Troy is a March baby. Though Evan’s official birthday is April 7, that was really his abandonment date, and they estimated him to be 30 days old at that time…

Today was the G&R - Giving and Receiving - Ceremony. The Minister of Justice made an exception and hosted it on a Sunday, which is most unusual. The G&R was in Tam Ky, the capital of the Quang Nam province. I was up at 5 and out the door at 6:30. It was clear that the nannies adore the babies and definitely had a soft spot for Troy. The head nanny gave Troy a special gift, and I also received several letters (of well wishes, I assume, but that awaits translation). I have nothing but respect for what the nannies do. I think this picture gives you an idea:

Troy protested handily when he was formally given to me. In like a lion:

He was on and off all day, obviously grieving for his nannies (which is healthy) but also having great moments and connections with me. He would spontaneously break down crying for up to an hour and then be as happy as could be:

He absolutely did not want to go down for a nap (though he slept in the van on the trip from the G&R), so I decided I might as well not coop myself up in the room. I already know Troy is not content to be holed up in a room or a crib and, frankly, neither am I. So, taking a page from the Good-Butler school of parenting, I took the shuttle to Hoi An on the very day of the G&R. Did I mention that the food I had there was good? I mean crazy-good. I could not stand the idea of room service.

It turned out to be a good decision. Troy slept nicely on the way there and happily banged on the table while I had a few snacks (and some awesome grilled beef in la-lot leaves at the restaurant I had been at yesterday). He did have a hard time in the boat tour, crying for 30 minutes, but all in all, wearing him (in the hip hammock) for 4 hours was exactly what he needed. I definitely drew a crowd and lots of irritating question about how much I “paid” for Troy, but that comes with the territory.  Lots of women wanted to hold him to but I flatly refused - it’s a bad idea from an attachment standpoint.

We hung out this evening and I let Troy just play around on the bed. He is amazing. Despite small bouts of mourning for his nannies, he played happily.  I finally got a good look at Troy and he is going to be a solid kid…he’s a complete rock and his muscle development is amazing. He also has rather dark skin compared to Evan’s (shout out to Laurie - he’ll be built a lot like Jackson, I think). The evening ended with a slathering of Elimite, to get rid of any scabies Troy might have (he had some suspicious bites, and I definitely do not want to bring scabies home). Troy took it much better than the other kids in the group and I think he thought he was getting a massage.

Troy is sleeping now. I put on some traditional Vietnamese lullabies I bought and gave him his last bottle. It was amazing to watch him slip into sleep. Out like a lamb.  I don’t know about you, but I choke up when I look at him sleeping like this.

I feel very lucky today.

Posted in Food, Milestones | 4 Comments »

6. December 2008 by Mark.

I spent today relaxing and preparing for the big day tomorrow - when we have the Giving and Receiving Ceremony and I’ll become Troy’s dad under Vietnamese law.

Today, I got a chance to look around Da Nang a bit and also spend a few hours in Hoi An. Hoi An is a UNESCO world heritage site due to the preserved state of its old buildings. It’s a really quaint town, with great shopping and food. In fact, my two course dinner with drink, which cost less than $6 was probably the best food I have eaten in Vietnam ever. I had a local specialty of fried wontons with tomato and crab on top followed by green mango salad with shrimp.  Here are the wontons:

I spent this evening preparing bottles, diapers, and gifts and charging up the cameras. We’ll be leaving the hotel at 6:30 in the morning so want to be ready. In the process, I happened to glance at my suitcase and see the luggage tag… The airport code for Da Nang is DAD and the tag says “Da Nang DAD”. I’ll take it as a good sign for tomorrow!

Posted in Tourist | 1 Comment »

5. December 2008 by Mark.

I had hoped to post this before departure but I was just too busy. So, from Da Nang film editing studios at the Sandy Beach Resort, Vietnam, here is the latest production:

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5. December 2008 by Mark.

I was thinking last night about how the experience with Troy and Evan is different. It occurred to me that had Evan behaved as Troy did on day one, I would have been pretty freaked out. This time, I’m not bothered at all. I feel like I understand where Troy is at and how he’ll go through the process of attachment. If anything, I’m just eager to get on with it. In any case, today was a chance for a second look.

We headed back to the orphanage at 9:30 but not before talking to Evan on the phone for about 15 minutes. He can almost hold a conversation now, and seems to be making noticeable strides in his verbal skill in just the 4 days since I talked to him.

Just like yesterday, Troy was fine with me holding him for the first 15 minutes but then he began to fuss. Of course a nanny whisked him away to soothe him but I’d had enough of that and requested that she sit nearby with Troy instead. This is when I brought out my secret weapon. Bribery. Cheerios. It seemed to break the ice, anyway, and Troy was quite happy hanging out with me for the next few hours. He’s way to mobile to want to be held the whole time but he happily let me play with him, carry him around, and give him his bottle.

Here’s a picture of us:

Here’s a video of Troy showing his mobility…

Did I mention that I got a marriage proposal? This happened with Evan, too, when the Minister of Justice offered to marry me to his nanny. Today, one of the nannies offered her hand to me. These babies are serious chick magnets. Here’s a picture of my possible future wife, with the true object of her desires:

Posted in Orphanage | 4 Comments »

4. December 2008 by Mark.

This morning, we headed back to the airport for the short hop to Danang, near where Troy’s orphanage is.  We flew Vietnam Airlines business class, which was extraordinarily comfortable, on a gigantic China Airlines A300.  I’m a little puzzled by why such a big plane is doing “local” hops but I guess they know what they’re doing since it was nearly full.  Upon arrival we dropped our bags at the Sandy Beach resort (on China Beach) and climbed into the van to head to orphanage.

The orphanage is in a small town called Dong Phu, perhaps 30-40 miles from Da Nang.  The roads were terrible and the trip took about 90 minutes.  The three to-be parents that made my group went inside to find the babies lined up on a straw mat.  We all had a staring contest for a few minutes before we decided it would be OK to get to know one another.  Troy looked pretty much as I remembered him but perhaps a bit thinner than he was in the previous pictures.  Maybe had the stomach bug that seems to have hit the last group of babies from Que Son.  In any case, he seemed to tolerate me well enough - at least for the first 15 minutes.  After that, I think he figured out that I might somehow be coming in between him and his beloved nannies.  One thing that’s clear is that Troy knows what he wants and he wanted his nannies.  Several nannies held Troy to calm him and we finally settled down to the point where I was able to interact with Troy with the nannies nearby but he still protested when I held him or they got too far.  By the time we left, Troy was clearly getting comfortable with me around but it’s clear that he’s going to warm up on his terms.  I see this as a good thing because his current strong attachment to the nannies means he’ll be able to form other strong attachments.  I expect Troy will have a few tough days after he joins me on Sunday, but I can already see the smart, happy, physical, and determined kid that he really is.

So, how has this been different from Evan?  The main thing so far is the way Troy will be slower to warm up.  Evan was also attached to his nannies but he is ultimately very pragmatic - he figured out what was happening and accepted me as his best option.  Troy is going to need to be convinced.

Tomorrow, it’s another day at the orphanage and a chance to work with Troy some more.  I’m looking forward to a full day.

By the way, Troy was not the only one who was slow to warm up… The nannies seemed unsure about what to make of me adopting Troy.  They clearly like him a lot.  In any case, they seemed touched by my idea of giving Troy a t-shirt of mine to sleep with, and they seemed much warmer after that.

It’s been a long day, so I’ll close with one picture of me with Troy:

Posted in Orphanage | 2 Comments »

4. December 2008 by Mark.

I had been meaning to write this post before departing, but there was too much to do.  I’m writing it on the plane en route to Danang.  By the time I post it, I’ll have met Troy.

I’ve reflected on how adopting a second time is different from the first.  It’s clear to me that I have a much better idea of what I am getting into and I think I’m much more aware of the significance of it all.  When I first meet Troy, I think the experience will be more profound.  With Evan, I was too wrapped up in the novelty of the experience and the many immediate questions I had - I had never changed a diaper or given a baby a bottle then, and I did not really understand what it means for a child to look at me as a parent.  Evan has taught me a lot.

Even the way I packed my bags was different (which, despite my “experience,” are overweight for Vietnamese domestic flights).  For example, since I had a very clear idea of what I needed, I was able to think about selecting outfits that would be cute on Troy.  I’ve even developed strong brand preferences for certain diapers, bottles, and wipes.  This time, rather than being baffled by the choices available to me, I made a beeline for what I needed, in the scent I prefer.  You get the idea.

So, it’s different this time around.

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