5. December 2008 by Mark.

I was thinking last night about how the experience with Troy and Evan is different. It occurred to me that had Evan behaved as Troy did on day one, I would have been pretty freaked out. This time, I’m not bothered at all. I feel like I understand where Troy is at and how he’ll go through the process of attachment. If anything, I’m just eager to get on with it. In any case, today was a chance for a second look.

We headed back to the orphanage at 9:30 but not before talking to Evan on the phone for about 15 minutes. He can almost hold a conversation now, and seems to be making noticeable strides in his verbal skill in just the 4 days since I talked to him.

Just like yesterday, Troy was fine with me holding him for the first 15 minutes but then he began to fuss. Of course a nanny whisked him away to soothe him but I’d had enough of that and requested that she sit nearby with Troy instead. This is when I brought out my secret weapon. Bribery. Cheerios. It seemed to break the ice, anyway, and Troy was quite happy hanging out with me for the next few hours. He’s way to mobile to want to be held the whole time but he happily let me play with him, carry him around, and give him his bottle.

Here’s a picture of us:

Here’s a video of Troy showing his mobility…

Did I mention that I got a marriage proposal? This happened with Evan, too, when the Minister of Justice offered to marry me to his nanny. Today, one of the nannies offered her hand to me. These babies are serious chick magnets. Here’s a picture of my possible future wife, with the true object of her desires:

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4. December 2008 by Mark.

This morning, we headed back to the airport for the short hop to Danang, near where Troy’s orphanage is.  We flew Vietnam Airlines business class, which was extraordinarily comfortable, on a gigantic China Airlines A300.  I’m a little puzzled by why such a big plane is doing “local” hops but I guess they know what they’re doing since it was nearly full.  Upon arrival we dropped our bags at the Sandy Beach resort (on China Beach) and climbed into the van to head to orphanage.

The orphanage is in a small town called Dong Phu, perhaps 30-40 miles from Da Nang.  The roads were terrible and the trip took about 90 minutes.  The three to-be parents that made my group went inside to find the babies lined up on a straw mat.  We all had a staring contest for a few minutes before we decided it would be OK to get to know one another.  Troy looked pretty much as I remembered him but perhaps a bit thinner than he was in the previous pictures.  Maybe had the stomach bug that seems to have hit the last group of babies from Que Son.  In any case, he seemed to tolerate me well enough - at least for the first 15 minutes.  After that, I think he figured out that I might somehow be coming in between him and his beloved nannies.  One thing that’s clear is that Troy knows what he wants and he wanted his nannies.  Several nannies held Troy to calm him and we finally settled down to the point where I was able to interact with Troy with the nannies nearby but he still protested when I held him or they got too far.  By the time we left, Troy was clearly getting comfortable with me around but it’s clear that he’s going to warm up on his terms.  I see this as a good thing because his current strong attachment to the nannies means he’ll be able to form other strong attachments.  I expect Troy will have a few tough days after he joins me on Sunday, but I can already see the smart, happy, physical, and determined kid that he really is.

So, how has this been different from Evan?  The main thing so far is the way Troy will be slower to warm up.  Evan was also attached to his nannies but he is ultimately very pragmatic - he figured out what was happening and accepted me as his best option.  Troy is going to need to be convinced.

Tomorrow, it’s another day at the orphanage and a chance to work with Troy some more.  I’m looking forward to a full day.

By the way, Troy was not the only one who was slow to warm up… The nannies seemed unsure about what to make of me adopting Troy.  They clearly like him a lot.  In any case, they seemed touched by my idea of giving Troy a t-shirt of mine to sleep with, and they seemed much warmer after that.

It’s been a long day, so I’ll close with one picture of me with Troy:

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